In my posts these last few weeks, I've been somewhat flippant, while also being reflective about my own life. Call it smartass solipsism, which I do really well, I think. But while writing those pieces, about profanity, about aging, about Neanderthal attitudes towards sex and human rights, I came across a sentence that absolutely stunned and floored me. In an article in The New Yorker that shines a bright light on Rape Culture, epidemic around the world, about the horrible and horrifying rape case in Steubenville, Ohio (Dean Martin's hometown, btw) in 2012, in which a 16 year old girl became intoxicated and went to several parties where various social media captured images of her being carried around while passed out, and many texts and Tweets discussed whether she had or had not been raped and otherwise violated while being totally incapacitated, came a paragraph which said, among other things, that one in five American women have been raped or experienced attempted rape, and that approximately 25% of women in the US armed forces have been sexually assaulted. The stat that hit me the hardest, though, says that, "Worldwide, women between fifteen and forty-four are more likely to be injured or die from male violence than from traffic accidents, cancer, malaria, and the effects of war combined (my emphasis)."
We live in a culture which simultaneously exalts women sexually and almost totally dismisses their value as whole human beings. If they aren't "pretty" or "hot," then they must be prepared to be "good sports" whenever male conversation turns to those attributes in others; they must smile and accept that they may not fit mass (male) culture's definitions of what is valuable and desirable, no matter how smart, talented or able in any field or facet of society they may be. Beauty and sex appeal, after all, are paramount in a male-dominated society, and if you ain't got 'em by acclamation, then you really don't exist.
What frustrates, embarrasses and infuriates me the most is, I guess, the fact that all men have mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers and beyond in the past, and most have aunts, sisters, girlfriends, wives, daughters and on and on through the generations, and yet we can so easily revere our own women progenitors while we simultaneously objectify, violate and ignore/dismiss the mothers, wives, daughters, etc. of others. Zen Buddhism holds that one way enlightenment can be achieved is by holding two contradictory thoughts in the mind simultaneously; I'm pretty sure that our misogynistic attitudes aren't what they had in mind.
I'm uncomfortable, as a product of that beauty/sexual-desirability-above-all-other attributes culture, to be writing about it: what the hell do I really know about what it means, or feels like? Nonetheless, I'm forging ahead. I'm also iffy about selecting songs that address women's issues and struggles; many were written by men and, however good their intentions, can't possibly get to the core of what it means to be a woman today or, for that matter, any day. And some of them likely flat-out miss the point entirely. Even a song by a woman, like Sippie Wallace's "Women Be Wise," sung by Bonnie Raitt, is concerned with women being careful about talking about how great their man is, lest he be stolen by another woman; hardly seems like a feminist anthem, and yet.... Nevertheless, here goes: the songs I'm playing this week are
Covenant Woman Bob Dylan
Woman's Intuition Ben Arnold
Mysterious Woman Christine Lavin
She's A Woman Jeff Beck
Woman's Got Soul Curtis Mayfield
Mojo Woman Mose Allison
Woman's Work Tracy Chapman
The Woman's Boat Toni Childs
Superwoman Stevie Wonder
Ain't I A Woman Rory Block
Man Smart, Woman Smarter Robert Palmer
I'm A Woman Maria Muldaur
Woman Of The Phoenix Nancy Griffith
Woman's Lament Maria Muldaur
Happy Woman Blues Lucinda Williams
Woman Of Heart And Mind Joni Mitchell
Woman Is The Nigger Of The World John Lennon
A Woman Left Lonely Janis Joplin
Women John Stewart
Women In War Danny Thompson
Women Who Cheat On The World Tanita Tikaram
Men And Women Tanita Tikaram
Women Will Rule The World Ry Cooder
Women And Men Josh Rouse
Women Be Wise Bonnie Raitt
Women's Love Rights Laura Lee
Do Right Woman, Do Right Man Aretha Franklin
A Woman Of The World Laura Nyro
Mighty Tight Woman Bonnie Raitt
Any Day Woman Bonnie Raitt
A Woman, A Lover, A Friend Booker T. & The MG's
(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman Carole King
Ain't No Woman (Like The One I've Got) The Four Tops
Hope to see you on the radio, Tuesday from noon til two at WOOL.fm.
And, even though the five top elective offices in NH, for example, are held by women, just imagine the sort of stuff Hillary's gonna have to contend with in 2016....
Thanks for this, Mark. I understand your apprehension at broaching this topic, but I really think it's only helpful for people in places of privilege, be that race, class, gender, whatever, to speak on behalf of the others and try to understand where they're coming from. What matters is not getting it right the first time, but the willingness to engage and learn more. Not that I think you've gotten anything "wrong."
ReplyDelete"If they aren't "pretty" or "hot," then they must be prepared to be "good sports" whenever male conversation turns to those attributes in others; they must smile and accept that they may not fit mass (male) culture's definitions of what is valuable and desirable, no matter how smart, talented or able in any field or facet of society they may be."
I was at a wedding yesterday for two of Joel's YDS classmates. The only other people he knew there were two other (male) YDS students, who we spent most of the cocktail hour/reception hanging out with. At one point I discovered that chocolate fondue and strawberries had been put out and brought some back to the table with me. Classmate "T" was excited about the idea and immediately went to get some for himself. I was making an affirmative "Yeah, chocolate!" sort of expression to him over my shoulder as he went, and apparently someone else walked by at the same time, because classmate "J" laughed and remarked sort of to Joel, sort of to himself, "oh 'T,' a gorgeous woman just walks right in front of him, but all he's thinking about is chocolate and strawberries," or something to that effect. I don't consider myself easily offended but the comment made me personally uncomfortable. I've become more aware of the issue of objectification recently and how it permeates our society, and to have a glimpse into the mind of a man who I had been conversing with objectifying a woman right there in front of me made me feel like the 3rd place cow at the county fair. And who wants to be a cow, even if you're Best of Show?
"We live in a culture which simultaneously exalts women sexually and almost totally dismisses their value as whole human beings" is right on, and really just two sides of the same depressing coin. The ironic thing is that, given how profitable it is to sell women the belief that they are primarily sex objects to be looked at and then playing up their insecurities about measuring up to even that relatively degrading standard, very few women even see themselves as "pretty" or "hot." Or even if they know that people see them that way, very likely at any given moment they are fixating on whatever flaw(s) they perceive in their appearance. ("Body monitoring," something else I've recently learned a name for.) So really we're almost all being "good sports" at those times.