Why D'You Always Pout, Donnie?

Serious apologies to Burt Bacharach and, especially, Hal David for this one.  And probably to my fellow U of Hartford alumnus Dionne Warwick, who had the first and best-known version of this song, to be sung to the tune of "Alfie."

Donnie

Why d'you always pout, Donnie?

Is it just the default face you give?

Why, you always pout 'cause you're so put out, Donnie.

Yet you take oodles more than you give.

You're not meant to be kind

You know only fools are kind, Donnie.

You're so wise 'cause you're always so cruel.

And if life belongs only to the rich, Donnie,

Those poor folks are just morons and fools.

As sure as you believe there's no Heaven above, Donnie,

It's 'cause there's so much more here:

Something your investors can believe in....

You don't believe in love, Donnie,

There is simply the Art Of The Deal.

Again please make us great, Donnie;

Without greatness we merely exist.

 No more second-rate Donnie

When you run let your pout lead the way.

Donnie, Donnie, no one really needs you today! 

Maybe you should listen to Dionne's version while you read this....